Instincts
by ItDoesn'tMatterWhoIAm
Summary: Mystery Science Theater 3000: Mike Nelson of MST3k fame deals with an unusual problem of being pregnant and the robots don't help him much through the pregnancy. Luckily Joel Robinson returns to the Satellite of Love just in time to help Mike through his labor and delivery. (MPreg) Don't like? Don't read. Rated 'M' because of its bizarre content. (Never saw that in the theatre!)
1. Instincts

"Explain this to me again Mike!" Crow was staring with disbelief at the human standing in front of him as he changed into fresh clothes.

"Like I said, Crow," Mike put on white t-shirt and struggled to pull his now smaller green jumpsuit up to his shoulders. "all life on Earth has an urge, an _instinct_ if you will, to reproduce. Since I'm all alone up here, and since you robots are incapable of such a thing yourselves, I found a way to... well..." He was feeling a little embarrassed explaining his desires to the naïve robot.

"You _impregnated_ yourself?!" Crow blurted coldly. "That doesn't even make sense, Mike! You're a_ male,_ and from what I've learned from Joel and Earth in general, men can't get pregnant! AND pregnancy happens after TWO people do... some kind of weird hug or something. Joel was never clear on that part, I'm not sure why. So... what's the deal? You into voodoo or witchcraft?"

"No! Nothing _that_ complicated anyway..." Mike had finally pulled his jumpsuit up over his arms and was proceeding to struggle to zip it up over his already slightly distended torso. "I merely asked Brain Guy if he could help me out and... well, he agreed."

"What?! Why?" Crow couldn't comprehend what he was hearing.

"Curiosity. I guess..." He sat on his cot and adjusted his position so his jumpsuit over his stomach was more comfortable as it pressed against the tight fabric.

"Oh yeah, that's WAY less complicated Mike! Good job... Curiosity... Geez!"

"Hey! It's not going to be that big of a change, I promise."

"Oh yeah, right... since when is a BABY not a big change?"

"It'll be my responsibility and I'm going to be here all the time. You and Tom and Gypsy don't have to do a thing. And if it gets too difficult I can get Brain Guy to send it to Earth to live with my family until we can return to Earth ourselves.."

"_Your_ FAMILY? I don't which word is more important in that sentence; 'your' or 'family'..."

"...or be put up for adoption." Mike reconsidered.

"Yeah, that sounds better."

"Yeah."

"Yeah." Crow stared at the blonde human for a moment more. "So, when were you going to tell us about this... 'miracle', anyway?"

"I was going to let you guys know in a few more weeks. You know, when it was glaringly obvious that something was going on with my body."

"You mean your belly! It looks like you packed on the pounds pretty quickly there Mike!"

"Hey! It's normal!"

"It's normal for a woman, Mike, but not for you! It's like you were binging on sweets all day when we weren't looking."

"Yeah, yeah." Mike tried sucking in his gut but it made little difference to his shape. He was already five months along, there was little he could now or later at this point to hide his still growing stomach. "Well, Pearl's going to be calling soon."

"Uh-huh. Wonder how _she's_ going to react."

"I don't know, it's not like we have to tell her or anything..."

"Yeah, I'm sure she won't notice you suddenly doubling in weight and then carrying around a squirming, screaming, leaking bundle of smells!"

"Hey!"

**-next chapter-**


	2. Emotional Support

Two months later...

Mike was sitting on the floor of the main deck of the ship behind the desk. He had his knees pulled up as close to his chest as he could and was sobbing uncontrollably to himself.

Gypsy had heard him crying and decided to check on her friend, her very sensitive and emotional, friend. "Mike, why are you crying honey?"

He looked up at the purple robot hovering over him and blurted out: "I'm fat! And I'm ugly! And I'll never be able to wear shorts again!" He resumed crying. Loudly.

Crow and Servo had arrived on the main deck and saw Gypsy hovering over Mike, who was an emotional wreck. Again.

"What's going on Gypsy?" Crow asked curiously. "Did you hurt Mike?"

"No. He's just upset." She leaned down close to whisper to Crow and Servo. "It's the hormones."

"It's NOT my hormones!" Mike practically screamed at the three staring robots.

"Aw, honey." Servo leaned compassionately against Mike's leg. "You're beautiful! You're glowing! Everything will be okay! I promise!"

Mike looked down at Servo and wiped away his tears. "Really?" He sniffled pathetically.

"Really." Servo confirmed. "Now why don't you go soak in the tub? You'll feel better."

"Yeah, okay." Mike struggled to get to his feet. Being seven months pregnant gave him a much larger stomach than he was used to bearing and it threw off his natural sense of balance. Gypsy had gotten used to helping Mike walk around now that he was bigger, and she proceeded to assist the emotional human as he walked down the hall of the ship.

Once Mike was off the bridge Crow and Servo started giggling. "Man, he walks like a duck!"

"I know!"

"Think we should let up on the riffing?"

"Nah! But we should do something nice for him."

"Like what?" Crow wondered sincerely.

"I dunno. A baby shower?"

**-next chapter-**


	3. Going Into Labor

Two more months later...

Mike could no longer wear his jumpsuits normally, they wouldn't zip up fully around his heavily distended and round stomach. He tied the sleeves of the jumpsuit around his waist below his stomach like a second belt. The white t-shirt's did little to conceal his larger midsection, but he didn't want to go 'topless' either. His bare stomach was exposed beneath his shirt and above his jumpsuit.

"It's not funny Crow!" Mike yelled angrily across the main deck of the satellite. "And it's getting old!"

"No it's not!" The gold robot snickered from his unseen location.

"Get out here, NOW!"

"I _am_ here." Crow giggled to himself.

"Where?"

"Close..."

Crow was much closer than Mike realized. Crow, who had been greatly amused by Mike's ever changing and enhancing condition took advantage of it whenever possible. As Mike got bigger Crow got craftier. As of late he started positioning himself at Mike's feet, using the human's distended abdomen as a type of hiding place.

"Crow, I'm serious!"

Mike's complaint was met with childish laughter.

Tom Servo joined his friends on the main deck and was used to seeing Crow's shenanigans and Mike's destroyed patience.

"Crow, get away from there!"

"Wait, where is he Servo?"

"At your feet."

Crow quickly shot away from Mike before he got kicked. "Traitor!" He accused Servo as bolted off the main deck and into the theater after fumbling with the uncharacteristically slow moving automatic door.

"Brat!" Servo sided with Mike more and more often as Mike's pregnancy continued. "How you feeling this morning Mike? There's something different about you."

"Besides the growing life form somehow developing inside of my body?" Mike jested, trying to remain good humored about his predicament.

"Aw, come on Mike. I'm serious! I've been watching you closely these past few weeks and I think your stomach is sort of hanging... lower. Is that possible?"

Mike didn't answer as he leaned his hands against the desk and bowed his head. The look on his face just screamed discomfort and a little bit of fear.

"Hey, this isn't funny... You alright Mike?" Servo asked sincerely.

"Just tired." Mike replied flatly.

"Tired? Didn't you sleep well?"

"I haven't slept well in the past 5 months. Damn, how in the hell do women willingly deal with this over and over again?"

"Don't ask me. Ask Gypsy!"

"Nah, besides Pearl is calling." The red light on the desk began blinking and Mike answered the call with a quick press of the button.

Pearl's smirking face appeared on the monitor. "Hi Mike. How ya' feeling?" She teased her trapped test subject.

"Fine. How are you?"

"I'm doing great, thanks for asking! But boy am I hot, it's these old stone castles, they're just too darn warm. Good thing I have a frosty cold beer to cool me down!" She popped open a long neck and toyed with Mike.

Mike, unable to stand the sight, turned away from the screen and stifled a small whimper.

Servo tried his best to make Mike feel better. "It's okay honey, when this is all over we'll throw you a kegger, I promise!"

Pearl finished off her beer. "Now, anyway, your movie this week is called-"

Mike didn't hear the title, he was distracted by an odd pain in his gut and he subtly clutched at his stomach in pain. Servo and Pearl didn't notice his sudden discomfort.

"I'm sure you'll find it as deplorable as I do." She laughed to herself. "Not, get into the theater!"

The movie sign began flashing and buzzing on the bridge, and Servo called out "We've got movie sign!"

Mike didn't move. Servo noticed pretty quickly and went back to the idle human. "Mike? Let's move! We got movie sign!"

"What?" He was brought back to reality by Servo and the blaring alert. "Oh, sure, let's go!"

Mike grabbed Servo and made his was slowly into the theater. The doors never closed after Crow ran through earlier. And Despite Crow's apathetic nature toward Mike's physical changes, Mike was still careful not to step on the gold robot as he crossed in front of him to take his own seat.

"You okay there Mike?" Servo sensed something was amiss as Mike set him in his own seat.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just feeling a little... I don't know... off."

"Are you...?"

"I don't know. I mean, I don't_ think_ so."

Crow knew exactly what Servo was hinting at. "Oh no, if you drop that baby in here I'm never setting foot in this theater again!"

**-next chapter-**


	4. Labor Is A Pain

Mike leaned back in his seat in the theater and let out a long breath, his hands holding the sides of his distended abdomen as his discomfort intensified with cramps and mounting pressure.

Servo leaned over in his seat toward his human friend. "Uh, Mike, are you uh... you know... in labor?"

"I don't know." Mike repeated his answer honestly. "I don't know what it feels like to be in labor." Crow suddenly pressed the side of his head against Mike's stomach much to Mike's annoyance. "Hey!"

"Shh! I'm listening."

"To what?"

"It's trying to communicate! It wants out!"

"What are you talking about? It's not saying anything!" Mike pushed Crow off his stomach.

"It's kicking me in the side of the head, it's called Morse code you monkey!"

"_I've_ been getting kicked for almost six months straight at this point, trust me, it's gibberish!" Mike winced in pain again and clutched his swollen stomach. "Oww..."

"Okay, this is getting too real, I can't see this. Bye!" Crow left the theater in a huff.

"Crow! Come back, I need your help!" Mike pleaded.

"You've still got me Mike." Servo responded sincerely.

"Thanks Servo."

"But, uh, Mike how is it... you know... getting out?"

"I, uh..." Mike paled. "I don't know that either!"

"Crap..."

**-next chapter-**


	5. Freaked

"Easy, follow me and concentrate on your breathing." Tom Servo coached calmly as he led Mike out of the theater and back onto the bridge. "How you feeling?"

"Heavy." Mike commented dryly as he walked out of the theater, one hand on his stomach and the other supporting his back. "And I have this undeniable craving for fajitas."

"Ooh! Sounds good! Think Gypsy would make us a batch?"

"Ow..." Mike moaned in pain again and paused in tracks. "Damn it! This hurts!"

Servo stopped hovering and idled near Mike. "Well, squeeze my hand if you must. It is inarticulate, you know."

"I know." Mike panted as he regained his composure. "Thanks."

Crow returned to the bridge and looked at his laboring friend nervously. "So... how's it going?"

"Great..." Mike answered with a glare. "Just great!"

"Good! Because I called Pearl and she said as soon as the baby is born you have to get back in the theater and finish the movie, or else she'll turn off the oxygen and electrocute us. In that order."

"Thanks Crow..."

"No problem!"

Mike continued to hobble down the hallway with Servo guiding him, and eventually made his way into his private cabin. "Man, I wish I had a friend here to help me out, you know?" Mike realized what he said and clarified so he didn't offend the robots. "I mean, a _human_ friend who's either been through this or can at least empathize with my pain. You robots don't feel pain. Or give birth."

Crow followed Mike into the cabin and watched as Mike struggled to lay on his cot, his protruding stomach looking round and mountainous on his otherwise trim frame.

"Hmm..." Servo pondered for a moment as he hovered near the foot of the cot. "Maybe Gypsy can help you out. She _is a girl_ after all!"

"But not a human. And she still can't feel-" Mike closed his eyes and winced in pain as he started to focus his breathing. "Ow..."

"Geez! Another one? Mike at this rate you'll be pushing that little human out in no time!"

"I know... And I'm a little..." Mike put both of his hands on his lowered and squirming stomach.

"Scared?" Servo suggested.

"Worried?" Crow offered his own suggestion.

Mike found the proper word to describe his feelings. "Freaked!"

**-next chapter-**


	6. New Problems

"Ouch! Damn!" Mike complained as another contraction hit his body. "Seriously?! How can there be billions of humans on Earth?! This is unbearable!"

"Don't ask me Mike." Servo tried to keep the conversation light. "I'm not a human. Hell, I wasn't even a baby! I was born a man-bot and I'll die a man-bot!"

Gypsy entered Mike's cabin with some towels and placed them on the end of Mike's cot. "How are you feeling Mike?"

"Like I'm going to explode!" He blurted impatiently. "There's another human being inside of me and it's going to tear my body in half to get out! This is insane! What was I thinking?! Did you guys ever see 'Alien'?!"

Servo wanted to keep Mike's mind preoccupied and calm, so he changed the subject. "So, where have you been Gypsy?"

"I was working in engineering to keep the satellite stable, and I was monitoring the strange anonymous space craft keeping pace with us."

"WHAT?!" Mike tried to sit up but his 'condition' prevented it. Instead he just lifted his head as he stared at Gypsy. "What's going on? What now...?"

"The ship is malfunctioning and there's an unknown vessel following us." Gypsy told him the truth, much to Servo's chagrin.

"When did all this happen?!"

"This morning. Didn't you notice?"

"Noooo..." Mike replied as he laid his head back on his sweaty pillow. "I've been a little distracted."

Crow walked into the room and had overheard the conversation from the door. "The ship's been acting real crazy lately, Mike. When I tried to get into the theater earlier I had to open the door manually because it wouldn't respond automatically anymore. And when I called Pearl to let her know you wouldn't be able to see the movie it took me three tries before I finally got through."

Gypsy spoke up again. "Yeah, and if it wasn't for that other ship's tractor beam we would flying all over the place right now."

Mike sighed. "What kind of- OUCH!" He complained as he tried to breathe through his latest contraction.

Servo, Crow and Gypsy all looked at each other worried. Servo, ever eloquent, spoke up on their behalf. "Mike, we have got to know, how are you going to deliver this thing?"

"I don't know!" Mike replied angrily. "Stop asking!"

"Sorry, we're just trying to help... And it's not like we have a whole lot of time to figure this out..."

"I know, I know." Mike regained his composure and calmed himself. "This is just all new to me. I don't know what to do." He put his arm over his eyes. "And I'm scared. I never missed my mom so much in my life!"

Crow had an idea. "Why not ask Brain Guy for help? After all he's the one who-"

"No..." Mike cut Crow off midsentence. "I can't trust him to NOT do anything evil to the baby. I don't want it anywhere near Pearl_ or_ her lackeys."

A red light and warning alarm filled the ship and put everyone on edge.

"Gypsy! What's happening?!" Mike asked fearfully as he uncovered his tear-filled blue eyes.

"The other ship! Someone's come aboard!"

**-next chapter-**


	7. A Familiar and Welcome Face

"Don't worry Mike! We'll protect you!" Gypsy tried to reassure the scared human as they idea of a stranger coming aboard the ship during such a vulnerable time set in.

"Who... Who would be out in space?" Mike asked with a trembling, weak voice.

Crow looked at Mike with a confused look. "You mean besides us?"

"Yeah, besides us."

"Don't know, don't care."

Servo hovered up and landed next to Mike on his bunk. "Easy honey, we won't let anyone hurt you or your baby."

The door to Mike's cabin opened and in stepped a man wearing a familiar red jumpsuit and a slightly confused smile.

Gypsy recognized the visitor and called his name in astonishment. "Joel?"

"Joel!" Servo and Crow rushed to the door and clambered all over him excitedly.

"Hey guys! What's going on?" He looked up from his robots to Mike. "Seriously, what's going on?"

"Oh, long story." Servo started casually. "So, I'll skip to the end. Mike is having a baby."

"Oh. Okay then." Joel seemed unusually calm about the revelation. "Your first?"

"Uh..." Mike looked back and forth from Servo and Crow before finally answering. "Yes."

"Oh, congrats!"

"Who are you... anyway?" Mike didn't recognize Joel.

"Oh, I'm Joel Robinson. I used to live here and I built the robots."

"Oh! Okay, now I-" Mike paused as a contraction hit him. "Ouch... Have you seen '_Alien_'?"

Joel walked over to the cot and eyed Mike curiously. "How far apart are they?"

"Um, Gypsy?" Mike looked to the purple robot.

"All over the place, it's difficult to keep track."

Joel shrugged his shoulders. "Sounds like false labor to me."

Mike arched an eyebrow. "You have medical training?"

"No, but my sister is a doctor and I used to help her study all the time. I have a really good memory, too."

"And... she studied _male_ pregnancy?"

"No." Joel answered in such a laidback manner it almost annoyed Mike. "But I imagine that all humans would give birth in the same style. Not that I've witnessed too many births in my day."

Crow tugged on Joel's jumpsuit. "So, why are you up here anyway, Joel?"

"Oh! After I got back to Earth I looked into Dr. Forrester's experiment and found out the Satellite of Love was intentionally designed with faulty parts and rigged to selfdestruct after ten years. I'm here to fix the ship for you."

"Oh! Cool!" Crow sounded genuinely excited. "Think you can fix Mike, too?"

Mike didn't appreciate the question. "Crow, shut up! I hate this enough..." He rubbed his hands across his face and into his sweaty hair.

The ship's lights suddenly flickered. "Whoa, I better get to work." Joel noted quickly. "If you need my help, just call!"

"Okay, thanks Joel!" Crow yelled as Joel left the room.

Servo returned to Mike's side. "So good to see Joel!"

Mike put his hand back on top of his distended stomach. "I'm glad to see another human. A GROWN human. I don't think I can do this-" Another contraction hit him. "Damn it! Ouch!" He breathed through the contraction before finishing his sentence. "Alone."

**-next chapter-**


	8. Getting Close

While Mike took a little nap on his cot Gypsy had taken the liberty of acting like a midwife and tended to Mike's needs. She brought him some ice chips in a small cup. She gently nudged his arm with her nose to wake him up.

Sleepily Mike took the cup and looked at the small contents. "What's with the ice, Gypsy?"

"You're supposed to chew on ice chips during labor. I don't know why."

"Thanks. I guess." Mike tried to pull himself up into a sitting position but was too tired and too heavy to move.

"Need some help?"

"No! No..." Mike felt a little embarrassed. "I'm fine. Say, where'd Crow and Servo get to?"

"While you were sleeping they went to spend time with Joel. I didn't know they missed him so much."

"Yeah, wonder why they never really talk about him." He put his hand back on his stomach as the baby kicked him, hard.

"Pain?"

"No, just... I think its getting restless."

"Want me to get Joel?"

"Nah, it's okay. I haven't had any contractions in a while, I guess he was right about the false labor."

"Joel usually is right. About everything!"

"Must be nice. I just seem to keep on screwing up." He stared at the ice in the cup in his hand.

"No you don't." Gypsy tried to ease his mounting emotional distress.

"Gypsy, I'm a grown-ass man who managed to get knocked up! On Earth men NEVER get pregnant! This is a special kind of fu-"

The door to his cabin opened suddenly and in walked Crow. "Hi-ya Mike! How's everything going in here?"

"It looks like it was a false alarm after all. Glad I didn't panic or make a scene."

"Yeah, that would've been embarrassing."

"Where's Joel?"

"He's replacing the fuel filter. Apparently it's all gunked up."

"I never thought to-" Mike put his hand on his stomach and clenched it in pain. "Owwwwww...!"

"Mike?" Crow didn't like that drawn out painful moan. "Is everything...?"

"No!" Mike frantically pulled himself upright and cradled his distended middle. "This time it's for real! There's no denying it!"

"Are you-"

"YES I AM SURE."

"Okay, okay... What do you want-"

"Find Joel... I don't want to do this alone..."

"Roger!" Crow bolted from the room and went to find Joel.

Gypsy used a small towel to wipe the sweat beads from Mike's forehead. "You're not alone! I'm here!"

"Thanks Gypsy..." Mike patted her nose with one hand and kept the other pressed against his middle. "I'm glad you're here. I'm a little scared..."

**-next chapter-**


	9. Keeping Calm

From Mike's cabin, through the closed door, he and Gypsy could hear Crow running through ship shouting Joel's name.

"Good thing he's not the one having a baby, huh?" Gypsy asked.

"Yeah. Remember the time he tried to tell us was pregnant after watching that lame movie?"

"Yeah, that was stupid."

"Doesn't seem so stupid now, but yeah, it was pretty stupid."

Joel walked into Mike's cabin, small spots of grease were on his hands and face. Crow was tucked under Joel's arm and the golden robot was still frantically trying to get Joel into Mike's cabin. "Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!"

"Crow, shh. Everything is going to be fine." Joel shushed the bot and put him back on the floor. "Mike? Is it safe to assume that you're in actual labor?"

"Yeah, BIG contraction. How'd you know?" He replied sarcastically.

Joel looked down at Crow who was no longer screaming but panting in panic. "Just a hunch."

Mike put his hands on his stomach and tried to pull his t-shirt down to cover it. "Think this too strange to handle?"

"I was launched into space because my bosses didn't like me, then in my isolation I built four sentient robots to be my friends and family, then we watched bad movies for six and a half years and I unexpectedly returned to Earth via escape pod hidden in a crate of hamdingers. What's strange?"

Mike breathed a sigh of relief. "Joel, you're awesome."

Joel smiled a little. "I'm going to go finish the repairs and wash my hands off. Gypsy, stay with him and keep track of his contractions."

"Roger!"

"Crow?"

Crow looked up at Joel and panted a response. "Y-yes?"

"Stay away from Mike and stop hyperventilating."

"Okay..." Crow whispered as he took a breath. "I can do that."

"I'll have Servo act as messenger in case things progress quickly."

"Uh," Mike paled. "how _quickly_ is quickly? I mean... do you know?"

"Sometimes things happen after hours, if not days and sometimes things happen in just a few minutes. Since it's your first, and presumably only kid, I think you'll have to wait a few hours."

"Great, nothing I enjoy more than increasing pain at increasing intervals and having it all end with the world's worst shot to my nu-"

"That's the spirit!" Joel wanted Mike to stay positive. "Until then, think of names or something. I'll be in engineering."

**-next chapter-**


	10. Things Get Moving

It had been six hours since Mike's labor officially began. He was trying to rest as much as possible but couldn't get comfortable. Gypsy stayed with him and kept wiping the sweat from his forehead and brow as he fitfully laid on his uncomfortable cot.

"Damn it! This sucks!" Mike yelled out, his hands pressed firmly on his distended stomach. "How much longer?"

"Beats me." Gypsy answered. "I never had a baby before."

"Yeah, I kind of figured."

Joel walked into Mike's cabin, both Servo and Crow with him. "How you doing?"

"Not great. I hurt, I'm tired, I'm uncomfortable and I have this weird desire to eat dirt."

"Eww." Crow replied to the last comment.

Joel put his hand over Crow's mouth to shush him. "Well, it's been six hours since I checked in on you. Tom said you were in pain but nothing too exciting had been happening. Gypsy, how long between contractions?"

"At last contraction he was at twelve minutes apart."

"Shouldn't be too long then." Joel seemed so confident in his answer as he sat on the edge of Mike's bed. "Do you want to deliver in here or... you know, the medical bay?"

"We have a medical bay?" Mike asked with wide eyes.

"Yeah... You never noticed?"

"No! If I had known we had a medical bay I would've been able to take something for my headaches!" He looked at the bots. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"You didn't ask." Crow quipped casually.

"You little- Ouch..." He clutched at his stomach tighter.

Joel put his hand on Mike's shoulder to help support his laboring friend, Mike responded by grabbing onto Joel's offered arm. "So, medical bay?"

Mike nodded quickly as he let out his breath.

"Okay, Gypsy, help me move him. We'll need to get him there soon but we can't move him too quickly."

"Roger!"

**-next chapter-**


	11. Not Alone

It was a slow, awkward walk but Joel and Gypsy managed to escort Mike to the ship's medical bay. Joel helped Mike sit on a large medical bed while Gypsy gathered some necessary supplies that could be used during the delivery process.

"How's that feel?" Joel asked as he watched Mike get situated on the exam table.

"It's fine. Thanks."

"Not to pry or embarrass you, but, uh... are you going to take off the rest of your jumpsuit?"

"Huh?" Mike blushed a little.

"I mean, if you're going to deliver naturally..." Joel awkwardly inferred.

"Oh, right... I guess that would be in the way."

"I'll draw the curtain for you." Joel pulled the privacy curtain around Mike's table to try to give the laboring man some sense of dignity right before he'd be exposed to everyone on the ship.

Mike pulled the blanket up over his legs toward his distended stomach and took a deep breath. "Man, I never thought in a million years I'd end up like... this!"

Joel pulled the curtain back open. "So, how are things?"

"Didn't you just ask that?"

"Yeah, but I want to know how you've been since being stranded, not just, you know... this!"

"Oh, right. Well, things have been interesting for sure. Like last week we-" Mike clutched his stomach and held his breath. "Ooooooowwwwww!"

Joel looked at his watch. "About ten minutes. Right on schedule."

"Great, that's what matters..." Mike ran his hand through his sweaty blonde hair. "Joel, I hate to ask but..."

"What is it?"

"Well, when it's you know, time, would you mind... helping...?"

Joel smiled a little and patted Mike's leg. "Not at all. I wouldn't have stayed if I hadn't planned on helping you out. Besides I never programmed the bots with any form of babysitting protocol, let alone child delivery."

"Joel?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for staying."

"My pleasure. It's not everyday you get to say you helped deliver a baby. Especially a man's baby!"

**-next chapter-**


	12. It's Time

Mike was in extreme pain. His pain with each contraction was intensifying, but once his water finally broke the pain was almost unbearable. His water breaking, despite Mike's reaction, was a good thing. It meant his body created a birth canal allowing him to deliver naturally, even though his condition itself was unnatural.

Joel didn't know how to help his friend deal with the mounting pain other than being supportive and talking to him.

Gypsy had brought more ice chips but Mike was just plain fed up with his labor. "This is ridiculous! Why is this taking so long?!"

"I don't know." Joel answered honestly. "But it won't last forever."

"Yeah, yeah..." Mike relaxed as his contraction ebbed away.

"Gypsy," Joel turned to the attentive purple robot. "I need you to bring me some towels and I need you to keep both Crow and Tom out of here until Mike says it's okay for them to come in. Alright?"

"Roger!"

"Hey Mike, do you want Cambot, to uh..."

"Oh God no!" Mike almost yelled at the offer. "That poor little robot has already seen enough horror!"

"Right..." Joel agreed with a half-chuckle. He watched as Mike continued to try and get comfortable on the exam table as he become more and more anxious. "Mike, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Can I... touch your stomach?"

"Huh? Oh sure. At least you ask! The bots don't seem to know how important personal space is, they just grab."

Gently Joel put his hand on Mike's distended stomach, which had actually flattened considerably as the baby moved further into position. "Huh, I don't feel anything..."

"Put your hand a little more to the left."

"Here?" Joel did as he was instructed and he could finally feel the gentle movement of the kicking life within. "Wow..."

"Yeah, sure. But after sixth months of constantly being kicked in the gut and bladder, it gets kind of old."

"But I'll bet you'll miss it once its gone."

"If you could feel it from my perspective I think you'd change your opinion."

Joel laughed again. He pulled his hand back when he felt the muscles in Mike's stomach suddenly tighten as another contraction hit.

Mike gritted his teeth and breathed through it. Once it finally let up he was on the verge of tears. "Joel, I can't take much more..."

Joel felt pity for Mike. "Well, should I... check?"

"Yes. Please."

Discreetly Joel lifted the sheet and checked Mike's progress. "Mike, I don't how to tell you this, but I think its time."

"Finally!" Mike sat upright as much as he could and braced his back against the propped up exam table. "Let's do this!"

"Right, next contraction..."

"Right. Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." Joel put on a fresh pair of gloves and positioned himself at the end of the table. "Let's deliver a baby..."

**-next chapter-**


	13. New Life

Mike was breathing heavily and trying to mentally prepare himself as his physical endurance was about to be put to the test. He did some reading during his pregnancy and grimaced at the fact that according to medical science childbirth is the most painful experience any life form can withstand.

Joel had wisely put on a pair of latex gloves and laid down a towel under Mike, between his legs and lifted the sheet higher up on Mike's legs.

"Joel?" Mike panted as he prepared to push.

"Yeah?"

"I owe you one for doing this..."

"Nah. Don't worry about it."

Mike grimaced as another contraction hit him, hard! He bore down and began pushing with all his strength. Joel was focusing more on Mike and less on the activity occurring under the sheet. Mike let up and let out his breath as the contraction faded.

"Well? Do you think you made any progress?" Joel asked curiously.

"I don't know. I can't really tell..." Another contraction suddenly hit. Mike gritted his teeth and pushed again. "Aw man, I suddenly have this urge to apologize to my mom for ever having to give birth to me!" He screamed between his clenched teeth.

The contraction ebbed away and Mike could feel the baby had moved down much lower.

Joel laughed a little. "I'm sure she'd appreciate it." He kept an upbeat attitude for Mike's sake.

Gypsy announced herself at the door. "Is everything okay in there?"

"Everything's fine Gypsy," Joel answered quickly. "just wait a little longer, okay?"

"Okay..." Gypsy backed away from the door. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Joel!" Mike's blue eyes widened with pain and fear as yet another contraction hit him. "AGH... This... sucks!"

"You're doing fine." Joel encouraged the laboring blonde. "Just a little more."

"How do you know?" Mike asked as the contraction eased.

"Because you're pushing more frequently _and_ I can see the head."

Right on cue Mike started pushing as another powerful contraction swept through his already taxed body. A pressure and burning pain in his pelvis almost made him scream, more fluids escaped his body releasing more pressure from his heavy stomach.

"Easy!" Joel calmed his pained friend. "The head's on the way out, you need to pant now."

"Where's the rest of it?!" Mike dumbly asked as he started panting.

"Uh... I think it's going to follow the head." Joel replied flatly as he put his palm against the head and helped ease it out. "Okay, next are the shoulders... I think one more push should do it."

Mike took a deep breath and pushed with all his might. His hands, clenched into white knuckled fists, gripped the sides of the table as he used his strong arms to support his body. Sweat dripped from his red face and his eyes were welling with tears.

"The shoulders are out..., keep going! Push!"

Mike did as Joel instructed and focused on his body's cues. His stomach muscles tightening as his body struggled to push the baby out.

"And... we have a baby!" Joel happily announced as he helped pull the small, crying bundle of life into the world.

Mike fell back against his bed, his entire body aching with exhaustion and his mind racing. He took in several fast, shallow breaths as the indescribable pain finally left him. His stomach felt unnaturally warm and his legs numb.

Joel tended to the newborn, cleaning it off, clamping off and finally cutting the cord. He wrapped the small bundle up in a towel. "Mike? Do you want to see your daughter?"

"Daughter...?" Mike asked breathlessly through one eye.

"A GIRL?!" Crow blurted from the doorway.

Servo poked his head in the room. "Aww! I wanted a baby BROTHER, not SISTER!"

Gypsy nudged the two robots with her nose. "What's wrong with having a sister?"

Crow looked up at the purple robot hovering over him. "We already have you, and you're enough sister for all of us!"

Joel ignored the argument in the doorway as he handed the squirming, crying newborn to Mike. "Well, what do you think? Not bad!"

Mike looked at the little baby in his arms. "I... Can't believe she's mine."

"I can't believe you gave birth!" Joel added as he draped a blanket over Mike's legs to give him some dignity.

"I can't believe I ate the whole thing!" Crow butted in.

Gypsy approached Mike. "Oh, she's so small..."

Joel took off his gloves and put his hand on her nose. "All humans are when we're born."

"Even you?"

"Even me."

Tom hovered up and looked at the tiny face swaddled beneath the towel. "Wow, she looks just like you. Same hair, same eyes, same chin... So... have you thought of a name yet, Mike?"

"Well..." Mike paused for a moment. "I just figured she'd be a 'he', you know, since she's essentially my clone. So I planned on naming her after my grandfather. But that won't work."

Joel was curious. "What was your grandfather's name?"

"Ralph."

"Oh, yeah, that won't work." Joel agreed with a small laugh.

Crow spoke up as he cautiously stepped closer to Mike and his newborn daughter. "And to be honest, if you did name it 'Ralph', Servo and I would've had a field day for the rest of its life."

Mike caressed his finger against her tiny face, soothing her cries. "Hm, I guess I could name her after a friend. A friend who helped me in a way I never thought I'd need help." He felt his heart melt as his daughter's eyes met his own.

"Oh?" Joel was intrigued. "What name is that?"

"Robin. You know, after Joel Robinson."

Joel blushed at this revelation. "Uh, wow... I'm honored. Really!"

"So you don't think it's weird?"

"No, it's flattering to have someone name their child after me. I just wasn't expecting it!"

"Robin." Mike repeated. "No idea on the middle name though."

"What about 'Crow'?" Crow suggested.

"No." Mike and Joel replied in unison.

"Why not? A robin is a bird and a crow is a bird! It's perfect!"

"No." Mike and Joel repeated.

Servo had a helpful suggestion. "Well, if you were going to name her after your grandfather, why not name her after your grandmother instead?"

"Ophelia?" Mike arched his eyebrow. "Isn't that a little... old fashioned?"

Joel put his hand on Mike's shoulder. "No such thing as an old fashioned name."

"Okay then. Robin Ophelia Nelson."

"Ha ha!" Crow laughed. "Her initials are R.O.N. Hi ya' Ron!"

**-End**

*****Feel free to continue the story, just don't kill anyone.*****


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